School’s toilet paper high-quality and excellent


Katherine Ikaunieks, Sage Page Editor

Everyone has used toilet paper at one point in their life or soon will. So, the problem with today’s toilet paper is that it’s too cheap. Luckily, the school has bought the most expensive toilet paper for our use. Some people may call our toilet paper ‘barely usable and cheap’, but they know nothing about the finest quality used by our school. It’s so expensive that nobody ever uses it, because they’re afraid. Afraid of the rich quality silk the paper is made from, and afraid of the power it grants. Of course, we all know this is a cold hard fact. Many students call the toilet paper rough, but they do not know the sandpaper-esque is very comforting, like love. You leave the bathroom feeling cleansed of your sins, compared to when you entered it. When people complain, they do not know far we came. Before our generation, people used tree bark and leaves. The toilet paper in the school reflects this and allows the comfort our ancestors had, but never could achieve. The people who aren’t afraid take the luxurious paper for themselves, keep it. They keep it for use outside of school, because schools only have the highest quality of toilet paper. If people brought their own toilet paper, there would be no need to complain, and the issue wouldn’t exist. People don’t do it though because it’s odd to bring such cheap quality toilet paper that is sufficient for a month or more into a school that provides the best money can buy. With the luxurious toilet paper our school offers, people complain about it being one-ply. One plus one is two, so combine it to create that two-ply that people “desperately” need. The main question though, is why are we wasting so much precious money on single ply that is thin like a single hydrogen atom when we could save money on two-ply. Well, that’s a bad idea to save money on two-ply, because those punk kids could easily ruin it. They could clog the toilets, but only with two-ply, and create a mess. Well, with one-ply, they could never do that. Never. A lot of students also complain of the lack of toilet paper on some days. They don’t realize the secret market for the one-ply sandpaper toilet paper. Very realistic with the mummies of ancient Egypt, so the demand is very high. But, it’s also gone because it’s tissue paper. It’s thin like it, colorful and useful for some birthday gifts. Or use it for wiping the sweat from the face. Overall, our toilet paper is wonderful, from the many uses it has outside of the bathroom to the alternatives we could have. Our toilet paper is unnoticed, so go out and look at how wonderful our toilet paper is because once students graduate or everyone goes home, they’ll miss the luxurious toilet paper at our school.